Skip to content
  • Subscribe
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Youtube
  • Instagram
  • Email
  • Home
  • News
  • Opinion
  • Entertainment
  • Features
  • Advertise
  • Subscribe to Ray’s Clumns
Suburban Chicagoland

Suburban Chicagoland

Original News, Features & Opinion on local and regional news you won't find anywhere else

  • About
    • About
    • Advertise
    • Our Writers
      • Ray Hanania
      • Bill Lipinski
      • Biography: Aaron Hanania
      • Steve Metsch
      • Steve Neuhaus
    • Terms of Service
    • Privacy Policy
    • Reach Out
  • Sections
    • Events
    • Opinion
    • News
    • Features
    • Seniors
    • Comic Strip
  • Library
    • “MIdnight Flight” Online Book
      • Midnight Flight Book Overview
      • Midnight Flight Introduction
      • Midnight Flight Chapter 1
      • Midnight Flight Chapter 2
      • Midnight Flight Chapter 3
      • Midnight Flight Chapter 4
      • Midnight Flight Chapter 5
      • Midnight Flight Chapter 6
      • Midnight Flight Chapter 7
      • Midnight Flight Chapter 8
      • Midnight Flight Chapter 9
      • Midnight Flight Chapter 10
      • Midnight Flight Chapter 11
      • Midnight Flight Chapter 12
      • Midnight Flight Chapter 13
    • Villages, Cities & Towns
    • Federal Office Holders
    • County Officials
    • Legislators
  • Subscribe to Ray’s Columns
  • Comment
  • Podcast
    • Ray Hanania on Politics
    • Two Guys on Politics
    • Hanania on Tiktok
  • News Wire
  • Toggle search form
  • Police Blotter
    Orland Park Police Department Investigating Fatal Hit-and-Run accident
  • Taste of Orland Park 2025
    Taste of Orland Park Returns to Village Center with Food, Fun and Festivities Events
  • Orland Park Mayor Jim Dodge
    Exclusive interview with Orland Mayor Jim Dodge says former mayor left huge debt breaking news
  • Chicago Wovles play the Rockford Ice Hogs, Feb. 23, 2025
    Chicago Wolves hockey unveil 2025-26 Season schedule Chicago
  • Cook County Treasurer Maria Papas
    Everything you need to know about your Property Index Number or PIN Blogger
  • Andrew Boutros US Attorney Illinois
    Suburban Chicago Man Sentenced to Two Years in Federal Prison for Threatening FEMA Employees and Law Enforcement Officers Crime
  • SeatGeek Stadium
    Chivas de Guadalajara and Club Leon to meet in Chicago Bridgeview
  • OFPD Trustee DJ Jeffers, COmmissioner Mohammed Jaber, Events and Safety Coordinator Betsy Dine and McDonalds Manager Doug Kwiatkowski join about 100 kids who participated at the Frozen with a Firefighter event Wednesday, July 9, 2025
    Frozen with an Orland Firefighter at McDonald’s Events
  • 05-23-25 Jeffery M. Leving
    Chicago dad’s court victory brought kidnapped daughter home Dads' Rights
  • Congresswoman Robin Kelly official photo
    Leading members of State’s Gun Violence Prevention Community endorse Robin Kelly for U.S. Senate elections
  • IAM Union Logo
    IAM Union Members at Arrow Gear Ratify Strong Contract After 9 Weeks on Strike Business
  • Andrew Boutros US Attorney Illinois
    Seven Individuals Charged in Drug and Firearm Investigation Centered on South Side of Chicago Chicago
  • Donna Miller
    Cook County Commissioner Donna Miller Launches Congressional Campaign Chicago
  • Mohammed Jaber
    Mohammed Jaber takes Oath of Office for Orland Fire Commission Fire
  • The Orland Fire District responded at 6:51 pm to reports of  smoke coming out of the eves of a four unit townhome in the 10500 block of Illinois Court in the Eagle Ridge subdivision on Saturday August 10th, 2024. 
    Orland Fire District reports several 4th of July fires but no injuries accident
Men shopping in a shopping mall. Photo courtesy of Wikipedia

Men turn into zombie customers during last-minute holiday rush

Posted on December 22, 2018November 29, 2019 By Ray Hanania No Comments on Men turn into zombie customers during last-minute holiday rush
SHARE THIS STORY
            
 
  

Men turn into zombie customers during last-minute holiday rush

As the calendar approaches the Christmas holidays, men experience a transformation, turning into addled, confused zombies desperately searching for the last-minute gift for their wives, girlfriends and significant others. Although the retail business has a name for every experience, they haven’t figured this male zombie shopper transformation event out yet

By Ray Hanania

Everyday has a commercialized holiday name to help encourage you to spend more and more of your money during the holidays, mostly on junk.

There’s Black Friday. Savings Saturday. Super Sale Sunday. Cyber Monday. Two for Two Tuesday. Half-Price Hump Day, Wednesday. And Triple Thursday. Many of them overlap and although they are set for single day celebrations, they tend to drag on repetitiously because they’re retail sales scams to push you to buy, Buy! Buy!

As much as these holiday monikers are offensive to me, I do find one most amusing. Mindless Male Misery Day, which usually happens during the first weekend before Christmas or two days before. That’s when you walk into stores usually filled with women doing their weekly shopping at Target, Walmart, Jewel, Meijer and more.

On this special occasion, desperate men wander the aisles of stores, usually int he women’s section, trying to figure out what to buy their wives.

Men shopping in a shopping mall. Photo courtesy of Wikipedia
Men shopping in a shopping mall. Photo courtesy of Wikipedia

They can’t find the G-Spot in bed and they can’t find the G-Spot (Gift-Sweet Zone) during the holidays.

Most learned long ago never to make the one mistake twice that they made when they were first married. Don’t buy your wife a vacuum cleaner for Christmas. Ouch does the reaction hurt. You’ll never forget to not do that again.

Not every husband is lucky to have a wife who loves to read books by specific authors. But after six years of buying new books by the authors — all of the authors write books that are released in the month or so before the Christmas Holidays. You can get away with that for a few years, but it’s not a permanent go-to choice.

These male last minute holiday male shoppers are willing to spend whatever it takes if they can just figure out what to buy. They have spent past years buying their wives necklaces, earrings, rings and jewelry many times over to the point where they know their wives love the gifts but never wear them. And jewelry, unless it’s really expensive, is boring.

Perfume is the second one. While perfume is a good choice, ensuring you get the brand your wife loves is not that easy. And if you do remember, you discover pretty quickly that after four or five years, the stockpiles of the perfume pile up because the wifey doesn’t use the perfume as often as you might think.

“I already have five bottles of CoCo Channel!”

Surprisingly, retail stores have not figured out this phenomena because if they did, they would stock up the women’s sections with gifts the men can purchase, nudged by pretty sales ladies who encourage the men to spend, spend, spend.

Men know their wives will always say, “Do not spend any money on me this holiday. We got the dishwasher last month.”

But most are smart enough to know that is just not true. She doesn’t mean it. Yes, she says it. Yes, it sounds convincing. Yes, she will argue with you if you pushback. But in the end, you had better buy something.

The phenomena is so important to men that some actually start planning for the frustrating zombie shopping spree, but still fail to figure something out.

The most important thing to remember is you have to listen. You have to listen to what they tell you because they will see things they want but won’t buy themselves. That’s why it’s good to go to the shopping mall with your wife a few times long before the holidays, even though it is boring and miserable for most men. But she will definitely see something and say, “That looks nice.”

Don’t buy it when she does point it out. Make a mental note and come back and buy it. Wrap it. Put it away for the holidays.

Here are a few do’s and don’ts for those men still desperate to find something for their wife.

  • It never hurts to observe your wife when she gets ready in the morning. Look at the things she uses. One option is to purchase something that upgrades or replaces something she already has.
  • Never buy a vacuum cleaner.
  • Don’t buy makeup but do consider bathroom product packages like soap, shampoo, skin cream. Many women’s sections have packaged products that you cannot go wrong with.
  • Does your wife use a mirror in the morning. Find one that has a light built in to replace it.
  • Don’t buy her a razor or shaver. Women are picky about those things.
  • Don’t buy dresses. You could give them a gift card for clothing but that’s lame. Clothing is a very personal thing for women.
  • If you buy sexy lingerie, you’re basically buying it for yourself.
  • Movies, video games, computer equipment are out.
  • Chocolates are great if your wife doesn’t have a weight problem … and remember, it’s not if she is or isn’t fat. It is if she believes she is overweight. You are trending touchy ground here so avoid it.
  • Flowers are good but not good enough. They are reinforcement for a good present. Women love flowers, but not as the gift they expect at Christmas
  • Buy them tickets to a good theatrical production, with dinner afterwards. They love going out. But it all depends on what’s playing. Hamilton is the must-see play but it’s nearly 3 hours long and costs $400 a ticket. It’s just not worth it.
  • Don’t replace a good gift with going to the movies.
  • Don’t buy things for the house, although a robot floor vacuum cleaner isn’t a bad second gift because she doesn’t have to operate it.
  • Slippers are a fun secondary gift, but you had better find that primary gift first
  • Kitchen and cooking gadgets look tempting, but don’t do it. The George Foreman Grill sounds like a great idea but it’s not. If you do that option, you can only get away with it once.

There is no real solution to this predicament for men and husbands. Finding the right gift is important. The closer you are to hitting the real G-Spot (Gift Sweet Spot) the better life will be and the more appreciated you will be, too.

newswire info
  • Author
  • Recent Posts
Ray Hanania
Ray Hanania
Ray Hanania is an award-winning columnist, author & former Chicago City Hall reporter (1977-1992). A veteran who served during the Vietnam War and the recipient of four SPJ Peter Lisagor Awards for column writing, Hanania writes weekly opinion columns on mainstream American & Chicagoland topics for the Southwest News-Herald, Des Plaines Valley News, the Regional News, The Reporter Newspapers, and Suburban Chicagoland.  

His award winning columns can be found at www.HANANIA.COM Subscribe FREE today

Hanania also writes about Middle East issues for the Arab News, and The Arab Daily News criticizing government policies in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

Hanania was named "Best Ethnic American Columnist" by the New America Media in November 2007, and is the 2009 recipient of the SPJ National Sigma Delta Chi Award for column writing.

Email Ray Hanania at rghanania@gmail.com.

Follow RayHanania at Twitter
Ray Hanania
Latest posts by Ray Hanania (see all)
  • Orland Park Police Department Investigating Fatal Hit-and-Run - July 12, 2025
  • Taste of Orland Park Returns to Village Center with Food, Fun and Festivities - July 12, 2025
  • Exclusive interview with Orland Mayor Jim Dodge says former mayor left huge debt - July 12, 2025
  • Tweet

SHARE THIS STORY
            
 
  
 
 
 
           
Baby Boomers, Blogger, Business, Commentary, Entertainment, Features, Humor, Opinion, rayhanania Tags:Christmas, gifts, holiday, jewelry, last minute, Men, perfume, presents, vacuum cleaner, what to buy, women, zombies

Post navigation

Previous Post: Paul Ciolino co-hosts new WLS radio show on crime
Next Post: Let “Sub-Urban” voters vote for Chicago mayor

Related Posts

  • Chicago Alderwoman Pat Dowell, 3rd Ward
    Illinois Secretary of State’s race heats up as candidates begin campaigns Chicago
  • I don’t need a day to remember my father Blogger
  • Police Squad Car, courtesy of Wikipedia
    Bridgeview shooting raised fears of another mass killing Blogger
  • Dads' Rights Attorney Jeffery M. Leving. Specializing in Fathers' Rights, Family Law, Child custody, divorce proceedings
    Repealing parental notification for abortion law deprives girls of fathers’ support   Blogger
  • Fake Newspapers, South Cook News -- one of a dozen publications that exaggerate facts and does so without accountability. There are no author names or contact numbers. Just one anonymous email.
    Can anyone be honest in an election? Blogger
  • Dads' Rights Attorney Jeffery M. Leving. Specializing in Fathers' Rights, Family Law, Child custody, divorce proceedings
    Kids of divorce at risk over vaccine litigation Blogger

More Related Articles

State probes dark money in re-election of Sean Morrison. Dec. 8, 2022 State probes dark money in re-election of controversy-plagued County Commissioner Sean Morrison Blogger
The King's Pawn book cover. By Aaron Hanania. Science Fiction novel, published in 2018 Video Interview: Aaron Hanania talks about his new book Aaron Hanania
Fathers Rights Attorney Jeffery M. Leving Dad reunited with young daughter after ex-wife obtained baseless Order of Protection against him Blogger
American Flag. Photo courtesy of Ray Hanania Now that the election is over, we need to bring America together Bill Lipinski
Bridge Development rendering of properties located at 14th and Laramie in the Town of Cicero. Image courtesy of Bridge Development President Dominick announces Amazon to open two fulfillment centers in Cicero Business
Statue of Vladimir Lenin in Seattle, Washington. Photo courtesy of Wikipedia Some symbols of hate are acceptable to anti-hate protestors Crime

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Login with your Social ID
Subscribe to Ray Hanania's column graphic

Enter Your Email to Subscribe to Ray Hanania’s Columns

  • OPINION COLUMNS
  • Cook County Treasurer Maria Papas
    Everything you need to know about your Property Index Number or PIN
    July 12, 2025
  • Jeffery M. Leving fights for your rights
    Chicago parents and other community leaders must work together to make sure this summer isn’t deadly for our children
    July 3, 2025
  • Cook County Treasurer Maria Papas
    How Technology Changed the Cook County Treasurer’s Office
    June 27, 2025
  • Attorneys Jeffery Leving Arthur Kallow
    Honoring Fathers: A Father’s Day Reflection
    June 13, 2025
  • Cook County Treasurer Maria Papas
    Understanding Cook County Property Taxes: A Guide for Homeowners
    June 13, 2025
  • 06-04-25 Two Guys on Politics Background Zoom LOGO with images
    Two Guys on Politics Podcast on Elon Musk, Trump’s Parade, LA Riots, and Middle East ban
    June 12, 2025
  • NEWS
  • Police Blotter
    Orland Park Police Department Investigating Fatal Hit-and-Run
    July 12, 2025
  • Taste of Orland Park 2025
    Taste of Orland Park Returns to Village Center with Food, Fun and Festivities
    July 12, 2025
  • The-Kings-Pawn-Book-300-x-300.png
  • SPORTS
  • Chicago Wovles play the Rockford Ice Hogs, Feb. 23, 2025
    Chicago Wolves hockey unveil 2025-26 Season schedule
    July 12, 2025
  • SeatGeek Stadium
    Chivas de Guadalajara and Club Leon to meet in Chicago
    July 12, 2025
  • NEWS RELEASES
  • Taste of Orland Park 2025
    Taste of Orland Park Returns to Village Center with Food, Fun and Festivities
    July 12, 2025
  • Orland Park Mayor Jim Dodge
    Exclusive interview with Orland Mayor Jim Dodge says former mayor left huge debt
    July 12, 2025
John Kass Columns

Order the book PoweR PR; Ethnic Activists Guide to Strategic Communications

YOUTUBE VIDEOS

CLICK TO SUBSCRIBE TO RAY HANANIA'S YOUTUBE VIDEOS


Click here to view the video on YouTube or use the widget below.

Follow Ray Hanania at
Twitter
Facebook
TitkTok
BlueSky
RayHanania Columns

Creative Commons License
All works on this website is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License. Do not edit original work. Give credit to the original source.

Categories

Copyright © 2022 Suburban Chicagoland & Urban Strategies Group

Powered by PressBook Premium theme