Skip to content
  • Subscribe
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Youtube
  • Instagram
  • Email
  • Home
  • News
  • Opinion
  • Entertainment
  • Features
  • Advertise
  • Subscribe to Ray’s Columns
Suburban Chicagoland

Suburban Chicagoland

Original News, Features & Opinion on local and regional news you won't find anywhere else

  • About
    • About
    • Advertise
    • Our Writers
      • Ray Hanania
      • Bill Lipinski
      • Biography: Aaron Hanania
    • Terms of Service
    • Privacy Policy
    • Reach Out
  • Sections
    • Events
    • Opinion
    • News
    • Features
    • Seniors
    • Comic Strip
  • Library
    • “MIdnight Flight” Online Book
      • Midnight Flight Book Overview
      • Midnight Flight Introduction
      • Midnight Flight Chapter 1
      • Midnight Flight Chapter 2
      • Midnight Flight Chapter 3
      • Midnight Flight Chapter 4
      • Midnight Flight Chapter 5
      • Midnight Flight Chapter 6
      • Midnight Flight Chapter 7
      • Midnight Flight Chapter 8
      • Midnight Flight Chapter 9
      • Midnight Flight Chapter 10
      • Midnight Flight Chapter 11
      • Midnight Flight Chapter 12
      • Midnight Flight Chapter 13
    • Villages, Cities & Towns
    • Federal Office Holders
    • County Officials
    • Legislators
  • Subscribe to Ray’s Columns
  • Comment
  • Podcast
    • Ray Hanania on Politics
    • Two Guys on Politics
    • Hanania on Tiktok
  • News Wire
  • Archive 2004-2013
  • Toggle search form
  • Father and two daughters Jeffery M Leving
    Father’s Fight to Protect his Abused and Badly Beaten Daughters Dads' Rights
  • Illinois Senator Michael Hastings addressing the Orland Township Democratic Organization Wednesday Oct. 12, 2022
    Hastings announces $75,000 grant for Olympia Fields Bicentennial Park renovations Illinois Legislature
  • Alleged Member of Chicago Street Gang Charged With Soliciting the Murder of Senior Law Enforcement Official Involved in “Operation Midway Blitz” Crime
  • IIEC Logo
    The Energy Omnibus Bill will increase rates over the rest of this decade as Illinois families and businesses toil under higher utility costs Business
  • Thaddeus Kosciuszko, Polish hero of the American Revolution. After arriving in America in 1776, Kosciuszko joined the Continental Army. As a skilled engineer, he made significant contributions to the war by designing fortifications for several strategic places such as Philadelphia, West Point, and Saratoga. Kosciuszko later returned to Poland to lead his native military in a 1794 uprising. In Detroit, Courtesy of WIkipedia
    Cook County Treasurer Pappas showcases Polish photographer’s first-ever American exhibit and honors Polish American Heritage Month in Chicago Cook County
  • On Saturday, October 4th, Cook County Commissioner Frank J. Aguilar hosted the Fifth Annual 16th District Dia de los Muertos Resource Fair at his district office. Partnering with Commissioner Aguilar were the Village of Lyons, Lyons School District 103, Teamsters Local 777, and Rincon Family Services.
    Commissioner Frank J. Aguilar Hosts Fifth Annual Dia de los Muertos Family Resource Fair  Cook County
  • Jesse Jackson Jr July 2025
    Jesse Jackson Jr. Launches Candidacy for Congress Civil Rights
  • Cook County Treasurer Maria Papas
    Cook County Treasurer Maria Pappas to Celebrate Diwali by Recognizing Indian Community Leaders Cook County
  • Andrew Boutros US Attorney Illinois
    Statement of US Attorney Andrew S. Boutros and Federal Law Enforcement Leadership in Chicago on Ongoing Criminal Immigration Enforcement Operations Chicago
  • Cook County Treasurer Maria Papas
    The 5 Most Common Mistakes Homeowners Make with Property Taxes Cook County
  • Road construction cement truck. Photo courtesy of Ray Hanania
    Hastings: $123 million in IDOT projects will improve South Suburban roads through collaboration with local leaders construction
  • Source: Electric Power Monthly - U.S. Energy Information Administration (EIA)
    Ratepayers will lose in the rush to approve battery storage electricity legislation in Springfield Business
  • Joyful reunion photo courtesy of Jeffery M. Leving & Assc law firm
    Leving Team Prevented a Father’s Wrongful Separation from His Child Dads' Rights
  • CTF Illinois Orland Park, 18230 Orland Pkwy, Orland Park, IL 60467
    Hastings, Giannoulias announce opening of temporary driver services facility in Orland Park Baby Boomers
  • Emagine Theater Pink popcorn
    Popcorn with a purpose: Emagine Theatres brings back Pink Caramel Corn to support Pink Fund during Breast Cancer Awareness Month Business
Men shopping in a shopping mall. Photo courtesy of Wikipedia

Men turn into zombie customers during last-minute holiday rush

Posted on December 22, 2018November 29, 2019 By Ray Hanania No Comments on Men turn into zombie customers during last-minute holiday rush
SHARE THIS STORY
            
 
  

Men turn into zombie customers during last-minute holiday rush

As the calendar approaches the Christmas holidays, men experience a transformation, turning into addled, confused zombies desperately searching for the last-minute gift for their wives, girlfriends and significant others. Although the retail business has a name for every experience, they haven’t figured this male zombie shopper transformation event out yet

By Ray Hanania

Everyday has a commercialized holiday name to help encourage you to spend more and more of your money during the holidays, mostly on junk.

There’s Black Friday. Savings Saturday. Super Sale Sunday. Cyber Monday. Two for Two Tuesday. Half-Price Hump Day, Wednesday. And Triple Thursday. Many of them overlap and although they are set for single day celebrations, they tend to drag on repetitiously because they’re retail sales scams to push you to buy, Buy! Buy!

As much as these holiday monikers are offensive to me, I do find one most amusing. Mindless Male Misery Day, which usually happens during the first weekend before Christmas or two days before. That’s when you walk into stores usually filled with women doing their weekly shopping at Target, Walmart, Jewel, Meijer and more.

On this special occasion, desperate men wander the aisles of stores, usually int he women’s section, trying to figure out what to buy their wives.

Men shopping in a shopping mall. Photo courtesy of Wikipedia
Men shopping in a shopping mall. Photo courtesy of Wikipedia

They can’t find the G-Spot in bed and they can’t find the G-Spot (Gift-Sweet Zone) during the holidays.

Most learned long ago never to make the one mistake twice that they made when they were first married. Don’t buy your wife a vacuum cleaner for Christmas. Ouch does the reaction hurt. You’ll never forget to not do that again.

Not every husband is lucky to have a wife who loves to read books by specific authors. But after six years of buying new books by the authors — all of the authors write books that are released in the month or so before the Christmas Holidays. You can get away with that for a few years, but it’s not a permanent go-to choice.

These male last minute holiday male shoppers are willing to spend whatever it takes if they can just figure out what to buy. They have spent past years buying their wives necklaces, earrings, rings and jewelry many times over to the point where they know their wives love the gifts but never wear them. And jewelry, unless it’s really expensive, is boring.

Perfume is the second one. While perfume is a good choice, ensuring you get the brand your wife loves is not that easy. And if you do remember, you discover pretty quickly that after four or five years, the stockpiles of the perfume pile up because the wifey doesn’t use the perfume as often as you might think.

“I already have five bottles of CoCo Channel!”

Surprisingly, retail stores have not figured out this phenomena because if they did, they would stock up the women’s sections with gifts the men can purchase, nudged by pretty sales ladies who encourage the men to spend, spend, spend.

Men know their wives will always say, “Do not spend any money on me this holiday. We got the dishwasher last month.”

But most are smart enough to know that is just not true. She doesn’t mean it. Yes, she says it. Yes, it sounds convincing. Yes, she will argue with you if you pushback. But in the end, you had better buy something.

The phenomena is so important to men that some actually start planning for the frustrating zombie shopping spree, but still fail to figure something out.

The most important thing to remember is you have to listen. You have to listen to what they tell you because they will see things they want but won’t buy themselves. That’s why it’s good to go to the shopping mall with your wife a few times long before the holidays, even though it is boring and miserable for most men. But she will definitely see something and say, “That looks nice.”

Don’t buy it when she does point it out. Make a mental note and come back and buy it. Wrap it. Put it away for the holidays.

Here are a few do’s and don’ts for those men still desperate to find something for their wife.

  • It never hurts to observe your wife when she gets ready in the morning. Look at the things she uses. One option is to purchase something that upgrades or replaces something she already has.
  • Never buy a vacuum cleaner.
  • Don’t buy makeup but do consider bathroom product packages like soap, shampoo, skin cream. Many women’s sections have packaged products that you cannot go wrong with.
  • Does your wife use a mirror in the morning. Find one that has a light built in to replace it.
  • Don’t buy her a razor or shaver. Women are picky about those things.
  • Don’t buy dresses. You could give them a gift card for clothing but that’s lame. Clothing is a very personal thing for women.
  • If you buy sexy lingerie, you’re basically buying it for yourself.
  • Movies, video games, computer equipment are out.
  • Chocolates are great if your wife doesn’t have a weight problem … and remember, it’s not if she is or isn’t fat. It is if she believes she is overweight. You are trending touchy ground here so avoid it.
  • Flowers are good but not good enough. They are reinforcement for a good present. Women love flowers, but not as the gift they expect at Christmas
  • Buy them tickets to a good theatrical production, with dinner afterwards. They love going out. But it all depends on what’s playing. Hamilton is the must-see play but it’s nearly 3 hours long and costs $400 a ticket. It’s just not worth it.
  • Don’t replace a good gift with going to the movies.
  • Don’t buy things for the house, although a robot floor vacuum cleaner isn’t a bad second gift because she doesn’t have to operate it.
  • Slippers are a fun secondary gift, but you had better find that primary gift first
  • Kitchen and cooking gadgets look tempting, but don’t do it. The George Foreman Grill sounds like a great idea but it’s not. If you do that option, you can only get away with it once.

There is no real solution to this predicament for men and husbands. Finding the right gift is important. The closer you are to hitting the real G-Spot (Gift Sweet Spot) the better life will be and the more appreciated you will be, too.

newswire info
  • Author
  • Recent Posts
Ray Hanania
Ray Hanania
Ray Hanania is an award-winning columnist, author & former Chicago City Hall reporter (1977-1992). A veteran who served during the Vietnam War and the recipient of four SPJ Peter Lisagor Awards for column writing, Hanania writes weekly opinion columns on mainstream American & Chicagoland topics for the Southwest News-Herald, Des Plaines Valley News, the Regional News, The Reporter Newspapers, and Suburban Chicagoland.  

His award winning columns can be found at www.HANANIA.COM Subscribe FREE today

Hanania also writes about Middle East issues for the Arab News, and The Arab Daily News criticizing government policies in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

Hanania was named "Best Ethnic American Columnist" by the New America Media in November 2007, and is the 2009 recipient of the SPJ National Sigma Delta Chi Award for column writing.

Email Ray Hanania at [email protected].

Follow RayHanania at Twitter
Ray Hanania
Latest posts by Ray Hanania (see all)
  • Father’s Fight to Protect his Abused and Badly Beaten Daughters - October 9, 2025
  • Hastings announces $75,000 grant for Olympia Fields Bicentennial Park renovations - October 8, 2025
  • Alleged Member of Chicago Street Gang Charged With Soliciting the Murder of Senior Law Enforcement Official Involved in “Operation Midway Blitz” - October 8, 2025
NPV: 25
  • Tweet

SHARE THIS STORY
            
 
  
 
 
 
           
Baby Boomers, Blogger, Business, Commentary, Entertainment, Features, Humor, Opinion, rayhanania Tags:Christmas, gifts, holiday, jewelry, last minute, Men, perfume, presents, vacuum cleaner, what to buy, women, zombies

Post navigation

Previous Post: Paul Ciolino co-hosts new WLS radio show on crime
Next Post: Let “Sub-Urban” voters vote for Chicago mayor

Related Posts

  • Confederate Flag courtesy of Wikipedia
    Upside down morality plunges America into anarchy Blogger
  • The King's Pawn book cover. By Aaron Hanania. Science Fiction novel, published in 2018
    Video Interview: Aaron Hanania talks about his new book Aaron Hanania
  • Illegal placement of election signs should be prosecuted Blogger
  • Microsoft Word is becoming one of the worst software programs for writers. Image courtesy of Wikipedia
    Users fleeing broken Office 365 online system Blogger
  • Cook County Treasurer Maria Pappas
    Word of mouth helps homeowner get $6,805 refund for missed exemptions  Blogger
  • Candlewick Lake boat docked at recreation center restaurant
    IDNR Reminds Boaters to Wear Life Jackets and Stay Sober Entertainment

More Related Articles

Chicago Wolves forward David Gust (left) and Cole Smith (right) after Gust scores May 1. Photo courtesy of the Chicago Wolves Chicago Wolves win exhibition game over Milwaukee Admirals Chicago
The Ben Joravsky show podcast wth Ray Hanania April 5, 2024 Joravsky and Hanania analyze today’s Chicago City Council with the past on podcast Chicago
Chicago Wolves begin new winning streak as AHL team returns to ice Chicago
The King's Pawn book cover. By Aaron Hanania. Science Fiction novel, published in 2018 Video Interview: Aaron Hanania talks about his new book Aaron Hanania
Charter Fitness to increase monthly fee to $15 Business
The Political Pundit Comic Strip for May 3, 2022. By Ray Hanania The Political Pundit Comic Strip: Anyone who criticizes me hates the police Blogger

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Login with your Social ID
  • OPINION
  • 06-04-25 Two Guys on Politics Background Zoom LOGO with images
    Video Podcast: Trump Kimmel Kirk Great American Divide Illegal Aliens polling and Illegal Aliens and ICE
    September 20, 2025
  • Illinois House Speaker Emanuel "Chris" Welch speaking at a West Side affordable housing dedication
    Speaker Emanuel “Chris” Welch, one of the best candidates to become Illinois Governor
    September 7, 2025
  • Cook County Treasurer Maria Papas
    What You’re Missing on Your Property Tax Bill
    September 5, 2025
  • 05-23-25 Jeffery M. Leving
    Children of divorce caught in the middle during the holidays
    August 27, 2025
  • Cook County Treasurer Maria Papas
    We Can Help You Understand Your Property Taxes—In Nearly Any Language
    August 8, 2025
Subscribe to Ray Hanania's column graphic

Enter Your Email to Subscribe to Ray Hanania’s Columns

  • The-Kings-Pawn-Book-300-x-300.png

Mohammed Faheem The Lightning Strike Radio

  • NEWS
  • Father and two daughters Jeffery M Leving
    Father’s Fight to Protect his Abused and Badly Beaten Daughters
    October 9, 2025
  • Illinois Senator Michael Hastings addressing the Orland Township Democratic Organization Wednesday Oct. 12, 2022
    Hastings announces $75,000 grant for Olympia Fields Bicentennial Park renovations
    October 8, 2025
  • Alleged Member of Chicago Street Gang Charged With Soliciting the Murder of Senior Law Enforcement Official Involved in “Operation Midway Blitz”
    October 8, 2025
  • IIEC Logo
    The Energy Omnibus Bill will increase rates over the rest of this decade as Illinois families and businesses toil under higher utility costs
    October 8, 2025
  • Thaddeus Kosciuszko, Polish hero of the American Revolution. After arriving in America in 1776, Kosciuszko joined the Continental Army. As a skilled engineer, he made significant contributions to the war by designing fortifications for several strategic places such as Philadelphia, West Point, and Saratoga. Kosciuszko later returned to Poland to lead his native military in a 1794 uprising. In Detroit, Courtesy of WIkipedia
    Cook County Treasurer Pappas showcases Polish photographer’s first-ever American exhibit and honors Polish American Heritage Month in Chicago
    October 8, 2025
John Kass Columns

Order the book PoweR PR; Ethnic Activists Guide to Strategic Communications

YOUTUBE VIDEOS

CLICK TO SUBSCRIBE TO RAY HANANIA'S YOUTUBE VIDEOS


Click here to view the video on YouTube or use the widget below.

Follow Ray Hanania at
Twitter
Facebook
TitkTok
BlueSky
RayHanania Columns

Creative Commons License
All works on this website is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License. Do not edit original work. Give credit to the original source.

Categories

Copyright © 2022 Suburban Chicagoland & Urban Strategies Group

Powered by PressBook Premium theme